Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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