I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize