Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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