One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Shame - the story of my life.
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