am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
