I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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