bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
