i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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