So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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