He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
