i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
