My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
