I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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