I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
