I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
