just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize