So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
