i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
