About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
