remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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