jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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