Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
