He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
