This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
