I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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