That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
