i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
