ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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