im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
