You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
