did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
