I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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