I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
