Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
