it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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