I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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