I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
