Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
