Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my poor anus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
