Umm I'm too high to move.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
