If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
