Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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