A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
