so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
