Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
