We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
