Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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