Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
