i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.