I have demons in me.
She said her name was "party"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The air was thick with penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better