sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!