Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level