i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
