I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
