I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
