I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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