No, you can still breathe under the balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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