I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
