You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
