hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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