Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
