There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
