she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
