That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
