im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
