he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
