My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
