Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
