atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
