Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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