I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
