he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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