yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?