It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.