I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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