I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves