Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.