Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
