Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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