another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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