somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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