bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
