I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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