This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
